nap

i took the fattest nap ever of all time and it was beautiful but also do you ever take a nap or just sleep and then wake up randomly feeling insanely anxious & like you missed something when you obviously didnt

why do i feel like im supposed to be doing something today i feel like im forgetting smth... its lidetly sadurdaayyyy fundayyy i hvae nothing to be doing right now

maybe uts cuz my friend is in town right now and i feel bad for liek lwk not wanting to hang out so they have to rot at their moms work until probably 12 am

spkleaing of that i actually cant ever hang out with people like multiple times a week it genuinely kills my soul but i feel SO BAD cuz most the people i hang out with have nobody else to hang out with.......... looks around

and then when i have energy adn wanna talk and do stuff nobody gives a SHIT and nobody replies or anyhthing its so stupid kust shoot me 

HMMM also im going to my friends city on wednesday i think but i hate planning ahead like that cuz dude idk if i wanna hang out with them on wednesday idk how im gonna feel yet

also i left my therapist on read like a week ago cuz i got too scared to reply... i havent done therapy since like december bro 👎👎 Somehow im happier . what does this mean.

no but dude why do all my therapists suck liek my first one was LOWKEY lwk lwk lwk a pedophile lwk though lwk I Hateyou Jonathan Virgen. i KNOW you like Kids Little Dark Age 

and now my current one is just  idk shes cool and not a PEDOPHILLEEEE but she also kinda sucks cuz she doesnt actually help with anything... she just states the obvious & tells me to make a list of things to do when im anxious or whatever Like bro i have a mental list already what the fuck are we saying

and she gives me these fuckass sheets like im in 2nd grade again can we be serious for a minute like i genuinely need help and im just getting bullshit

also it pisses me off how literally ever since i was like 4 years old my parents have been telling me to manage my anger like i can do taht myself without help and i still cant do it because all my therapists are gay and stupid and cant do their job correctly

also i do faggot telehealth or whatever so i cant fuckign hear my therapist CUZ HER MIC SUCKS ASSSSSSSS OH MY GODDDDD AND SHE USES HER OWN WEBSITE TO DO MEETINGS. LITERALLY WORST IDEA EVER

bro and my psychiatrist appointments r like nonexistent i had ONEEEEE on december 8th and thats IT

i got medication im too afraid to use cuz what if im allergic and i fucking die And if that doesnt happen what if i become some zombie thing im really scared of becoming a shell of myself

i got likt 2 different antidepressants & one of them is to just help me sleep but again what if i literally just suffocate and die in my sleep AND THE FACT THAT I THINK THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN IS ANTOEHR REASON WHY I NEED BETTER THERAPY AND MORE FUCKIGN PSYCHIATRIST APPOINTMENTS DAWG

im actually so so so sick of not having a diagnosis im literally diagnosed with nothing. im not even joking i have 0 things diagnosed not even any physical shit
i almost got diagnsoed with asthma 4 years ago but guess what that went nowhere 

but oh my god it would be AMAZING to be diagnosed becuase it would help me with so much bullshit that i wouldnt get help with otherwise..... like mt evil school that genuinely needs to get beaten DUDE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THSI SHIT FOR ME CUZ I STRUGGLE TO DO MY WORK AND THEY NEVER FUCKING DID IT

the way im typign right now reminds me of this really awful meltdown i had On discord. ON DISCORD..... but it was in a server with just me but ohmg why was i like that i was overreacting over the dumbest shit ever 😭😭😭 dude and i added the bold text & everyhting like youre just trying too hard atp